Lord, what do I do? Why did I get this information? This one, unexpected phone call has created so much turmoil, anger, hurt, and fear. The reminder of manipulations, the devastation at new lies discovered, the foolishness I feel, the insecurity and safety removed once again. What did I do to be so disrespected, treated so unimportantly?
I see the churning that’s happening in me and can even understand that anything that comes along and softens the soil ultimately means growth is coming. I believe part of that growth is in the space of my relationship; the leading, the following, the dependence and open hearts towards you. I believe even the perception of my pain is part of the growth. He loves me in a healing way. You have given me this. Opportunity is here for acceptance of such healing love and I am grateful for that.
So my question now is, what do I do with this story? Do I let it go? Do I take it to the source? I believe we both heard your guidance that day in the idea that this is a journey of forgiveness. It’s what I want. The release of your pure forgiveness. A part of me wanted the right to be angry, wanted to hold on to hate, wanted the old protections those feelings afforded me. But the healing of forgiveness that you have showed me in the past, and the healing of love that you are showing me now is much more inviting.
He quotes 1 Corinthians 13, how love endures, bears, hopes, and I hear leading from him to love, I feel the leading from you to share that love. It is your grace that freely pours that love on the undeserving. I want to be a part of that flowing glory. Just a few days ago, with my world rocked by revelations I wasn’t prepared for, I felt pride lead me to thoughts of revenge and hurt lead me to anger and desires to strike back. You spoke to me through love and led me here to the beginnings of grace.
If this is an opportunity to show your beautiful spirit, your powerful love, then I am willing. I stand with your servants proclaiming, “Here am I, send me.” Use me to offer mercy. Guide me in whatever path will bring people closer to your light. Allow me to be your embrace and acceptance. Jeremiah 31:31-34 spoke to us this morning, that we belong to you, that you have made a way for all of us. Let me proclaim your message. To all of us who stand unworthy, broken, scarred by our mistakes, use me God, to honor your gift of love beyond words, to offer the truth that sets us free.
