Who is in the Middle?

       I recognize beliefs from the politically conservative, those on the right: lower taxes, choice of schools, pro-life, pro-guns, “sanctity of marriage”… and from the politically liberal, those on the left: healthcare for all, supporting LGBT rights, pro-choice, stricter gun laws, public education…(ww2.kqed.org). But is there a middle? And if so, who’s in there and where do they stand?

Libertarians are socially inclusive and economically conservative, according to Eli Watkins (2013), and desire minimum government and maximum freedom. The Tea Party believes in “commonsense, conservative, constitutional self-governance” from a Judeo-Christian perspective according to their president, Steve Eichler (www.teaparty.org/about-us/). There are also liberal republicans who believe that “good ideas are good ideas no matter where they come from” (Ball, 2015) and conservative democrats who are “fiscally responsible,” transcend party lines and are recognized as “blue-dog democrats” (https://bluedogcaucus-costa.house.gov/about).

And then there are the Moderates, the Centrists whose reputation includes seeing both sides of the issues and ranging from left to center to right (Miller, 2016). Moderates see that there is not only one answer to the important political questions, that two opposing ideas can be held at the same time, and that courage and humility are necessary values to holding the centrist position (Brooks, 2017).

I imagine it does take courage to be a moderate because those on the left and on the right, one could guess, would be frustrated with someone who will not choose a side. Can the centrist stand beside law enforcement officers with respect for their service and concern for their safety and at the same time march beside black Americans to recognize the wrongness of white privilege? What would the pro-life and pro-choice movements think of someone who believes in the preciousness of life in utero but can offer acceptance and non-judgmental compassion to the women wanting to abort? Can I walk beside my LGBTQ+ friends in a pride parade, stand up at city council to denounce conversion therapy and believe that the Bible affirms same-sex relationships while still holding to a christian faith and a belief in the protection of religious freedoms? A Christian Buddhist, a pro-life democrat, a bible-believing gay man, a bleeding-heart republican: do these all sound contradictory, like oxymorons?

People on both sides may see these examples as impossible conflicts. Some may reject the idea of the moderate, declaring it is impossible to hold true to both ideas. My conservative family may question my faith when I reject the concept of an inerrant bible, and my liberal friends may wonder at my admission that I believe in life at conception. We live in a culture that encourages us to defend our positions instead of hearing where the other side is coming from.

How difficult would it be to organize and march beside someone with opposing views in protest to the division and conflict running rampant in our society? Would we be willing to rebuke the story that says we must war against each other and instead write the narrative of the bonds of simply being human? Could we come together to hear individual stories and celebrate the human capacity to empathize instead of screaming our perspectives and blocking out the sound of the other side? Does the thought of listening and learning from people with different ideals create discomfort and disgust?

I will admit that I avoid reading books or listening to sermons where being gay is labelled sin or where fundamentalist christian values are taught. I’m shocked at the negation of discrimination and want to shut down a conversation where the existence of white privilege is denied. I’ve halted dialogue by responding harshly and with false confidence when opposing views are shared. But this is not who I want to be and not how I want to react. I want to be authentic and compassionate in my moderate views with openness to hearing the thoughts and experiences of others.

This past weekend I went to a neighborhood yard sale where over 40 homes participated. The streets were lined with vehicles, bicycles and pedestrians. Everyone was smiling at each other, enjoying the treasure hunting experience, greeting each other with head nods and hellos. There were no democrats, republicans or moderates at this event, just people, neighbors, families, and bargain shoppers. We chatted with and waved to strangers because the commonality of being human was the center focus. I see this at community events like Kool April Nights or the Redding Rodeo. I know it happens in churches in my city where people focus on worship and growth more than disagreements. I believe friendships exist where opposing views can be explained and respected. How important is it for you and I to look inward and outward at the demands for division and to not only refuse to participate, but to combat separation by coming together as human brothers and sisters?

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References

Ball, M. (2015). The bluest republican. The Atlantic. Retrieved from: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/03/the-bluest-republican/384969/

Brooks, D. (2017). What moderates believe. The New York Times. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/22/opinion/trump-moderates-bipartisanship-truth.html

Miller, G. (2016). There’s nothing sexier than a political moderate. Huffington Post Retrieved from: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/galanty-miller/theres-nothing-sexier-tha_b_8784552.html

Watkins, E. (2013). What is libertarianism? CNN Politics. Retrieved from: https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/27/politics/libertarianism-libertarian-party/index.html

http://ww2.kqed.org/lowdown/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/2016/08/PartiesCompared_vers-finalversion2.pdf

Who Am I?

      We all have a system of parts working in us: the selfish part, the let-loose part, the responsible part, etc. I love the part of me that comes out in the therapy room, the non-judgmental, empathetic part or the part that is in control at Outskirts, the good listener who calmly speaks out of humility and wisdom. I dislike the parts of me that are critical, mostly of the person I live with and love, that are triggered and defensive, and that are wounded and insecure.

I have discovered that this wounded child part shows up and takes control more than I thought. Sitting in a new arena and hearing someone voice opposition towards the LGBT, for example, she speaks quickly and firmly her position, wanting everyone to know who she is and what she stands for. It is in the assured tone and the harsh declaration that the conversation is then shut down and opportunity is lost to have any kind of meaningful exchange. Yes, I’m glad she stands up for what she believes, but wisdom speaks gently and with love towards ignorance, disagreement, and even towards prejudice.   

Even in an exchange between close friends she makes broad, generalized statements that come out sounding extreme. I am learning that it is possibly her insecurity and lack of confidence that respond in such a way. She puffs up and spits out words without true discernment or questioning if this is truly what she believes. Example: She has been wounded by her childhood church and her experiences there with leaders and beliefs. When the subject of that church, those doctrines, or specific people come up, she tends to hurriedly resist the topic, spewing an insult, a declaration against, or a refusal to hear points being made. 

“I don’t believe that anymore,” said with a grimace of disgust. 

“I hope they leave and become Athiests.” spoken with arrogance and thoughtlessness.

This wounded child, insecure and reactive, also shows up in criticism for my dear husband. Because she lacks confidence, she is on guard always in public situations, trying to figure out the roles of conduct and the expectations of others around her. When dear husband, who is free from such distractions, talks too loud, guffaws boisterously, or behaves in a carefree and silly manner, she feels embarrassment and disgust. 

“You’re drawing attention,” she thinks, “people are staring, wondering what cave you just crawled out of.” 

“I don’t want them looking at me! What if I’m doing it wrong? They’ll notice if you draw attention to me!!”

“They’re judging me because I am with you. Stop!!”

This is a problem. This reactivity does not portray authenticity. When I examine who it is that I want to be known as, it is someone who is genuine, empathetic, non-judgmental and compassionate. How many people have seen or known me as the judging child who spews criticism and thoughtlessness? How many conversations have been shut down by my harshness or people have been hesitant to speak further with me because of my declarations?

The saddest part in all of this, is the fact that I am missing out on moments to be with others in a genuine way. I am hiding behind false confidence and losing out on opportunities to be known. I am losing chances to get to know people in deeper ways because criticism takes the place of curiousity. And this simply is not who I am in my core self.

I want to sit at the table with someone who believes differently than me about the Bible’s stance on LGBT relationships and open the conversation by hearing them, being curious about how their beliefs were formed, and what experiences they have had in hopes that I can learn more about their perspective and understand better who they are. Maybe, they will become more open to asking how I came to the place where I believe God affirms LGBT relationships.

I want to be filled with forgiveness and grace, even towards oppressing ideas and past relationships that were injurious. Already does the spirit of acceptance and gratitude exist inside of me. I see people in differing religions as mostly genuine in believing what they do and in trying to serve God the best they know how. Just because I am in a different place does not discredit their doctrinal stances or experiences of spiritual living. 

I want to continue to be involved in social justice issues while maintaining my authentic love for others and my open ideas that truth is everywhere and can be gleaned from unexpected sources. I want to not only listen to the wisdom from new sources, but have an open heart to hear the knowledge of sources I have moved away from. 

I want to walk beside my husband with joy in my heart for his childlike awe and his freedom to express emotions in uninhibited ways. I want to learn from him how to release the childlike side of me, moving past her insecurities and allowing her to be silly and loud and carefree. 

Then I will be known for who I truly am, a glorious mix of wacky and wonderful, a flawed  woman who learns lessons and grows continuously, and an authentically loving individual who is curious and kind as she cherishes others and their offerings to her world.