I want to picture you and I diving in the dark waters together, coming up with our hair slicked back, our clothes soaked and stuck tight to us. And we’re holding hands, pulling each other along when one gets tired. We’re keeping each other laughing and we’re offering one another strength. We are living hope for each other. So many times we feel like we are standing alone. We feel the frigid coldness of the world around us, the increasing danger of being swept under. There have been desperate times in my life where I wondered “Where is God taking me?”, and frankly, “Where is God?” I wrote this piece during one of those times…
Her small arms are outstretched, fingers trailing the surface of the chilly water, leaving tendrils in each wake. The hip deep water rises slightly with every struggled pull of her right leg and then her left. Eyes are searching, desperate and weary for the land where she can crawl out and finally rest. But it is no where in sight. Fog covers her view with hopeless knowledge that here, where she stands, is her choice; trudge on further with faith in her power, faith in her God, or lie down and let the water roll it’s way over her mouth, filling her nostrils, taking her in it’s cold embrace.
The weight of the water seems to pull at her. Tender and fragile, how long can she last? How much more can she endure? She can feel the tingles in her limbs, the numbness growing stronger. Shivers come and go, leaving exhaustion behind. The coldness bites, a gnawing that never seems to stop. Mud slurps at her toes, sucking them deeper, making each step more difficult. It’s starting to feel like surrendering is the better way.
“I could just relax for a moment, let my fatigued muscles find some respite. My calves are cramping, my knees buckling and I am losing hope. I don’t want to be in this frustration. I don’t want to even try anymore! How do I know land even exists? Maybe there is no way out of this. If I am destined to wander in pain, then I would rather lie down and accept my fate. I’m too weak. This is too much.”
Alone in her crossing, she is likely to fall. If only one could stand by her side, hold her trembling fingers and smile some encouragement her way. How would it feel to know that a fellow traveler was there to reach out to, someone to trade hope with, to propel forward in the necessary steps? “God, Father, give me something. I beg you.” The words rip open admission of her wavering but persistent faith. It lies on the shores where she courageously stepped off to begin this rebirth. Far, far behind her.
Where was God when this journey began? When the peace spread warmly in her chest and she sunk that first toe in the water, she had no idea how treacherous this would be. Where was the God who protects and guides? Why didn’t He sweep in and pull her away from this dangerous current? Her faith is as tattered and ruined as the Bible she got when she was nine years old, the one she carried around for most of her life, the one that sits silent and dusty on her bookshelf at home.
This is the dark and desolate place of crossing. This is the test of her endurance, of her core offerings. Whether the water rises or falls she must persevere in her attempt to enlarge her coasts. Suffering is inevitable. Clarity is her strength. Success is never guaranteed But the journey, the growth achieved is immeasurable in it’s worth. She is stronger with each crossing. She is purer in spirit, holier in the beauty of who she is.
In James 1: 2-4, it says “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
Those dark waters are everywhere. They are part of the journey. They are treacherous and painful. Anxiety fills us when we stand alone. The beautiful truth is that we are never alone. We can look out over every river of change and see the opportunities, the chances to grow. Wading together through the pain of losses, kids growing up, heartaches, new loves, relationships, fears, family expectations, career adventures, growth in our spirits, searching for God and learning to love God within us, we can hold on to the beauty of companionship with each other and with our beautiful God. This is our time. This is our crossing…
I wrote this in 2007, posted it here in April 2011. Recently, a song came out entitled OCEANS by Hillsong. These words seem like a God sent response to the brokenness I expressed years ago. I listen to this song and feel so overwhelmed with God's love for me, for His patience and His presence through my crossing, through times of painful doubts, through rebellion and anger. He called me back. He held me tight. He showered me with grace...
Here's a video link to this amazing song.
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KIo9ih3qRSaggA.6T7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTB2bWx0ZzE4BHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDVjExNgRncG9zAzQ-?p=oceans+hillsong+lyrics&vid=374473d056eb0508a65d7e73200ec0f8&l=8%3A59&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DV.4621789755671041%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxoZE2RsthRg&tit=Oceans+%28Where+Feet+May+Fail%29+-+Hillsong+United+-+with+Lyrics&c=3&sigr=11aa780u0&sigt=11sinuoad&age=0&&tt=b
Her small arms are outstretched, fingers trailing the surface of the chilly water, leaving tendrils in each wake. The hip deep water rises slightly with every struggled pull of her right leg and then her left. Eyes are searching, desperate and weary for the land where she can crawl out and finally rest. But it is no where in sight. Fog covers her view with hopeless knowledge that here, where she stands, is her choice; trudge on further with faith in her power, faith in her God, or lie down and let the water roll it’s way over her mouth, filling her nostrils, taking her in it’s cold embrace.
The weight of the water seems to pull at her. Tender and fragile, how long can she last? How much more can she endure? She can feel the tingles in her limbs, the numbness growing stronger. Shivers come and go, leaving exhaustion behind. The coldness bites, a gnawing that never seems to stop. Mud slurps at her toes, sucking them deeper, making each step more difficult. It’s starting to feel like surrendering is the better way.
“I could just relax for a moment, let my fatigued muscles find some respite. My calves are cramping, my knees buckling and I am losing hope. I don’t want to be in this frustration. I don’t want to even try anymore! How do I know land even exists? Maybe there is no way out of this. If I am destined to wander in pain, then I would rather lie down and accept my fate. I’m too weak. This is too much.”
Alone in her crossing, she is likely to fall. If only one could stand by her side, hold her trembling fingers and smile some encouragement her way. How would it feel to know that a fellow traveler was there to reach out to, someone to trade hope with, to propel forward in the necessary steps? “God, Father, give me something. I beg you.” The words rip open admission of her wavering but persistent faith. It lies on the shores where she courageously stepped off to begin this rebirth. Far, far behind her.
Where was God when this journey began? When the peace spread warmly in her chest and she sunk that first toe in the water, she had no idea how treacherous this would be. Where was the God who protects and guides? Why didn’t He sweep in and pull her away from this dangerous current? Her faith is as tattered and ruined as the Bible she got when she was nine years old, the one she carried around for most of her life, the one that sits silent and dusty on her bookshelf at home.
This is the dark and desolate place of crossing. This is the test of her endurance, of her core offerings. Whether the water rises or falls she must persevere in her attempt to enlarge her coasts. Suffering is inevitable. Clarity is her strength. Success is never guaranteed But the journey, the growth achieved is immeasurable in it’s worth. She is stronger with each crossing. She is purer in spirit, holier in the beauty of who she is.
In James 1: 2-4, it says “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
Those dark waters are everywhere. They are part of the journey. They are treacherous and painful. Anxiety fills us when we stand alone. The beautiful truth is that we are never alone. We can look out over every river of change and see the opportunities, the chances to grow. Wading together through the pain of losses, kids growing up, heartaches, new loves, relationships, fears, family expectations, career adventures, growth in our spirits, searching for God and learning to love God within us, we can hold on to the beauty of companionship with each other and with our beautiful God. This is our time. This is our crossing…
I wrote this in 2007, posted it here in April 2011. Recently, a song came out entitled OCEANS by Hillsong. These words seem like a God sent response to the brokenness I expressed years ago. I listen to this song and feel so overwhelmed with God's love for me, for His patience and His presence through my crossing, through times of painful doubts, through rebellion and anger. He called me back. He held me tight. He showered me with grace...
Verse #1
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand
Chorus:
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine
Verse #2
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now
Chorus
Bridge:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior x 3
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior x 3
Ending:
I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
Here's a video link to this amazing song.
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KIo9ih3qRSaggA.6T7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTB2bWx0ZzE4BHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDVjExNgRncG9zAzQ-?p=oceans+hillsong+lyrics&vid=374473d056eb0508a65d7e73200ec0f8&l=8%3A59&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DV.4621789755671041%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxoZE2RsthRg&tit=Oceans+%28Where+Feet+May+Fail%29+-+Hillsong+United+-+with+Lyrics&c=3&sigr=11aa780u0&sigt=11sinuoad&age=0&&tt=b
1 comment:
You are such gifted writer, and an amazing women. You have held me up and given me strength in so many ways and I know I am never alone....I have God and I have an amazing sister and family.
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